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The Four Faces of Manhood Lover/Friend

Mar 15, 2015

Passage:1 Thessalonians 2:7-9

Preacher: Rick Blackwell

Detail:

The Four Faces of Manhood

Lover/Friend

I. Introduction

1. Last week we unpacked two of the Four Faces of Manhood, 1 the King

Face and the Warrior Face.

  • The King Face creates order and provision. It provides direction. It leads with integrity. It allows us to be a blessing to those entrusted to our care.
  • The Warrior Face shows our courageous energy and demands from us purposeful initiative. A man who wears the warrior face is a man of action.

2. In this message we will look at the Lover Face and the Friend Face.

  • These faces stretch our relational capacity and can be unnatural for many men.
  • Many men suffer from a stunted and reduced masculinity because they have never valued or learned to navigate their own heart, their own feelings, and their own emotions.
  • Relational capacity requires men to engage emotionally.

1Thessalonians 2:7-9 ESV

(7)  But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.

(8)  So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.

(9)  For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God.

  • According to Stu Weber “whether on a football field, in a  battle zone or under the roof of your own home, a man’s willingness to show affection and care . . .to connect . . . mark him as a leader and a man of God.”2

II. The Lover Face / Showing Tender Care

1. The Lover Face is primarily associated with tender care for others and a willingness to be emotionally vulnerable.

2. The Lover Face reflects relational energy. It is characterized by tenderness, sensitivity, beneficial care, emotional openness, physical affection, and verbal communication. Lover Face in action:

  • Picks up on wife’s real needs
  • Together time with wife
  • There for his family
  • Connects on a emotional level
  • Student of his kids
  • Says, “love you . . .” “proud of you . . .” “you’re special . . .”

3. Examples of warriors who could also wear the Lover Face:

  • U. S. Army Major Sullivan Ballou3
  • King David

4. Caricatures of the Lover Face:

1] If a man’s Lover Face is pushed too far, he can “sow love” by becoming critical, harsh, and demanding of his wife and kids – The Micro-manager.

2] A cold and withdrawn man – disconnected, detached, and isolated.

3] If a man’s Lover Face is pushed too far, he can also become over-dependent on women or relationships in general – Over-sensitive. 

III. The Friend Face / Pursuing Character-Shaping Friendships 

1. The Friend Face is primarily associated with a man’s relational capacity to connect with other men.

2. The Friend Face reflects connecting energy. It is characterized by loyalty, accountability, encouragement, challenge, fun.

3. We must learn to initiate genuine friendship with other men. Great friendship provides companions who can carry burdens and celebrate life’s great moments with us. 

4. You can’t climb the mountain of manhood and reach its pinnacles if you are disconnected from other men.

Proverbs 17:17 ESV

(17)  A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

roverbs 27:17 ESV

(17)  Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

Biblical, soul-level friendships are priceless.

o   They require our time.

o   They require us to be others-centered.

5. Caricatures of the Friend Face:

  • If a man’s Friend Face is pushed too far, he can become dependent on those around him – The Leech.
  • If a man does not have enough of the Friend Face, then you get the typical, friendless, disconnected male – The Loner.
  • Pursue Character-Shaping friendships.

IV. Conclusion

1. Wise is the man who can learn these different faces of manhood.

2. Remember, you cannot fully embrace these Four Faces of Manhood unless you first embrace a right relationship with God and the provision He has made for us through Jesus Christ.

This message has been adapted directly from Authentic Manhood’s Series 33, Volume 1, Session 5, The Four Faces of Manhood: Lover/Friend.

1This source material was originally inspired by Stu Weber’s book, Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart: Bringing Strength Into Balance.

2Stu Weber, “The Heart of a Tender Warrior”, 29.

3The text of Ballou’s letter is taken from “Historical Document: Sullivan Ballou Letter,” The Civil War, Public Broadcasting Service. Online http://www.pbs.org/civilwar/war/ballou_letter.html.